So they say that becoming a parent makes you appreciate your own parents more, and I'm really hoping that that's the case! That's not to say that I don't appreciate you, because I do, immensely, but good lord you can be so annoying it makes me want to poke myself in the eye sometimes! I'm really hoping that becoming a mom is going to make me find all of your irritating habits endearing instead.
I've got my fingers crossed, for both of us.
love you mama, even when you make me nuts,
lulu
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Sunday, October 26, 2008
dear daddy:
I hate that I miss you so much, and that I think about you all the time. I hate that I haven't been able to get rid of your memory like I want to and that a part of me still wants to see you and get a bear hug from you and sit on your lap and be your little girl again. And I hate you, for what you did to my family, and for being such a selfish and manipulative asshole. I hate you for never saying you were sorry. I hate you for so many reasons, and yet I miss my daddy all the time. I resent the fact that I was allowed to know you, and wish that you would have been removed from my life before I was able to grow up and make memories of you. I wish that that the memories I did have were horrible memories so that it would be easier to hate you now. I wish you would have tried harder to explain yourself and change my mind, instead of letting me run away. I wish you wouldn't have been so forceful and confrontational when you did try to see me, because you just scared me away. Sometimes I wish that you would have died, so I could just mourn the loss and move on, because for some reason it's so much harder this way. I wish I didn't care that you weren't there to dance with me at my wedding, and that you'll never see my children. I wish you hadn't screwed mom up so badly. I'm tired of crying over you.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
dear curious friends:
I understand that you're a bit confused. It is kind of weird that we're running away and getting married alone. Most people want their friends and family near them and supporting them on one of the most important days of their life. I get that. I see how what we're doing might seem a little odd to you.
We live in Seattle. All of our friends and family, save a couple of each of our relatives in the Carolinas, are in Seattle. We've never even been to Louisiana nor do we know a soul there. Why on earth did we choose Louisiana? It's the first question out of everyone's mouth as soon as we say, "No, no one's family lives there".
For me, there are plenty of reasons for us to decide to do it this way. Some are financial, some are emotional, some are practical, and some are maybe just selfish, I suppose.
As someone close to us was kind enough to point out- maybe I want to do it this way because I "don't have a dad to pay for the wedding". Well, how intuitive of you! (and maybe a little tactless...) Yes, it's traditional for a bride's father to foot the bill for her wedding. Yes, I imagine that if I were to call my father after over 10 years of silence he might object a little to writing me a check. But no, that's not the only reason that I don't want to have a big shindig. Plenty of couples pay for their own day, and if it was important enough to me to want all that, I would have been saving and found a way to fund it on my own, despite my lack of paternal support.
One major objection that Mr. Lulu and I have to a big traditional wedding is all the excess. Tons of paper waste, tons of stuff to buy that will only be used one day for a little while, and just generally a lot of stuff that we don't need to consume in order to be happily married. I think that the whole wedding industry feeds on everyone's need to have just the right things in order to have a perfect wedding day, and I just don't want to get sucked into all that. And I would. Believe me, given the chance, I would. By limiting our guest list and minimizing our event, we automatically cut down on the impact that our wedding will have. For us, that's something important.
Of course we also have the all-too-common issue that is a by-product of being kids of dysfunctional families. We both have divorced parents and our fair share of general familial strife. Having a traditional wedding typically means having the whole batch of them participating in a multi-day affair and cooperating to pull off the execution of said affair with limited stress and tears. Personally, I'd just rather not.
Our wedding day is about us, and about us being comfortable and happy and embarking on a new life together that is meaningful and exciting. It's not about us trying to make sure that everyone else is comfortable and happy and worrying about who's going to sit next to who and if we invite this person will someone else feel weird and oh my god what if mom loses it and who's going to walk me down the aisle and what about the father-daughter dance and who should we have be our best man/maid of honor and everything else. It stresses me out just thinking about it and we're not even having to make any of those decisions! Maybe for us eloping is a little bit like avoidance, but that's fine with me. Some of these things are worth avoiding, in my humble opinion.
And then, of course, there's the fact that the perfect wedding deserves an awesome honeymoon! Mr. Lulu and I are still kind of in the "getting started" phase of our lives and careers and excess cash just isn't something we have a ton of. By combining our wedding and honeymoon into what the trendy wedding websites dub the "weddingmoon" we're saving ourselves a bundle and getting an amazing experience too. Plus, Louisiana is somewhere that I've always wanted to visit. I'm not really sure where it comes from, I guess I just have a fascination with the culture and everything about the South. I have a really romantic vision of what the lower half of our country is all about, and have thought that I belonged in Savannah, Georgia ever since I read Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. It seems to me that the food and the music and the general environment in New Orleans will make our time there one to treasure forever. And isn't that what our wedding should be? Just a really great time and a lot of wonderful memories? Sign me up.
As a completely unexpected bonus, planning our wedding this way has been delightfully easy. I started out with a wedding checklist I found on The Knot and quickly discovered that only about a quarter of their recommendations for planning even applied to us. Once we settled on a location and booked our rooms, everything else on our short to-do list was quick and easy to take care of. Because I think I have ultimately grown into a fairly self-aware person, I understand that perfection and control are very important to me. If I had to host a full-on wedding for all of my closest friends and family members instead of the little cocktail party reception we're choosing, I know I would lose my mind in the details. I'm the bridezilla who would be on her hands and knees combing the carpet into place and obsessing over every detail of all the outfits and the food and every other little thing that I could find to obsess about until I made myself and my husband-to-be crazy. Instead, I get to spend a beautiful Tuesday morning hanging out with the man I love letting a photographer follow us around the grounds of a historic plantation and, oh yeah- squeeze in ten minutes to actually do the ceremony. No fanfare, no crazy relatives- just an intimate moment when we can declare our devotion and promise to love each other forever followed by a lazy afternoon basking in the glow of our own genius. It seems like it will be really easy and great, and it will be. Right? Can't see why not.
Looking forward to our adventure!
love,
lulu
We live in Seattle. All of our friends and family, save a couple of each of our relatives in the Carolinas, are in Seattle. We've never even been to Louisiana nor do we know a soul there. Why on earth did we choose Louisiana? It's the first question out of everyone's mouth as soon as we say, "No, no one's family lives there".
For me, there are plenty of reasons for us to decide to do it this way. Some are financial, some are emotional, some are practical, and some are maybe just selfish, I suppose.
As someone close to us was kind enough to point out- maybe I want to do it this way because I "don't have a dad to pay for the wedding". Well, how intuitive of you! (and maybe a little tactless...) Yes, it's traditional for a bride's father to foot the bill for her wedding. Yes, I imagine that if I were to call my father after over 10 years of silence he might object a little to writing me a check. But no, that's not the only reason that I don't want to have a big shindig. Plenty of couples pay for their own day, and if it was important enough to me to want all that, I would have been saving and found a way to fund it on my own, despite my lack of paternal support.
One major objection that Mr. Lulu and I have to a big traditional wedding is all the excess. Tons of paper waste, tons of stuff to buy that will only be used one day for a little while, and just generally a lot of stuff that we don't need to consume in order to be happily married. I think that the whole wedding industry feeds on everyone's need to have just the right things in order to have a perfect wedding day, and I just don't want to get sucked into all that. And I would. Believe me, given the chance, I would. By limiting our guest list and minimizing our event, we automatically cut down on the impact that our wedding will have. For us, that's something important.
Of course we also have the all-too-common issue that is a by-product of being kids of dysfunctional families. We both have divorced parents and our fair share of general familial strife. Having a traditional wedding typically means having the whole batch of them participating in a multi-day affair and cooperating to pull off the execution of said affair with limited stress and tears. Personally, I'd just rather not.
Our wedding day is about us, and about us being comfortable and happy and embarking on a new life together that is meaningful and exciting. It's not about us trying to make sure that everyone else is comfortable and happy and worrying about who's going to sit next to who and if we invite this person will someone else feel weird and oh my god what if mom loses it and who's going to walk me down the aisle and what about the father-daughter dance and who should we have be our best man/maid of honor and everything else. It stresses me out just thinking about it and we're not even having to make any of those decisions! Maybe for us eloping is a little bit like avoidance, but that's fine with me. Some of these things are worth avoiding, in my humble opinion.
And then, of course, there's the fact that the perfect wedding deserves an awesome honeymoon! Mr. Lulu and I are still kind of in the "getting started" phase of our lives and careers and excess cash just isn't something we have a ton of. By combining our wedding and honeymoon into what the trendy wedding websites dub the "weddingmoon" we're saving ourselves a bundle and getting an amazing experience too. Plus, Louisiana is somewhere that I've always wanted to visit. I'm not really sure where it comes from, I guess I just have a fascination with the culture and everything about the South. I have a really romantic vision of what the lower half of our country is all about, and have thought that I belonged in Savannah, Georgia ever since I read Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. It seems to me that the food and the music and the general environment in New Orleans will make our time there one to treasure forever. And isn't that what our wedding should be? Just a really great time and a lot of wonderful memories? Sign me up.
As a completely unexpected bonus, planning our wedding this way has been delightfully easy. I started out with a wedding checklist I found on The Knot and quickly discovered that only about a quarter of their recommendations for planning even applied to us. Once we settled on a location and booked our rooms, everything else on our short to-do list was quick and easy to take care of. Because I think I have ultimately grown into a fairly self-aware person, I understand that perfection and control are very important to me. If I had to host a full-on wedding for all of my closest friends and family members instead of the little cocktail party reception we're choosing, I know I would lose my mind in the details. I'm the bridezilla who would be on her hands and knees combing the carpet into place and obsessing over every detail of all the outfits and the food and every other little thing that I could find to obsess about until I made myself and my husband-to-be crazy. Instead, I get to spend a beautiful Tuesday morning hanging out with the man I love letting a photographer follow us around the grounds of a historic plantation and, oh yeah- squeeze in ten minutes to actually do the ceremony. No fanfare, no crazy relatives- just an intimate moment when we can declare our devotion and promise to love each other forever followed by a lazy afternoon basking in the glow of our own genius. It seems like it will be really easy and great, and it will be. Right? Can't see why not.
Looking forward to our adventure!
love,
lulu
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
dear family:
Hi. Please stop asking me to mediate your lives. Mom, I don't know what Sister meant by her message. But I have an idea: perhaps you should CALL HER AND ASK!
I really don't understand how fully mature and grown people can be so incapable of functional adult interaction. I know that there are yucky things in our past that have made it difficult for all of us to learn to express themselves, and we each have a fair bit of emotional scarring. I get that. And I am by no means suggesting that we sweep everything under the rug and pretend like nothing happened. Please, go ahead and admit that things have happened and for crying out loud have a conversation about it. Preferably one that doesn't involve vomiting or slamming the phone down or fleeing the scene, but even if that's not possible it's better than nothing. Better than this.
love,
lulu
I really don't understand how fully mature and grown people can be so incapable of functional adult interaction. I know that there are yucky things in our past that have made it difficult for all of us to learn to express themselves, and we each have a fair bit of emotional scarring. I get that. And I am by no means suggesting that we sweep everything under the rug and pretend like nothing happened. Please, go ahead and admit that things have happened and for crying out loud have a conversation about it. Preferably one that doesn't involve vomiting or slamming the phone down or fleeing the scene, but even if that's not possible it's better than nothing. Better than this.
love,
lulu
Monday, May 12, 2008
dear mom:
Hi Mama. Yesterday was Mother's Day and I'm so glad we were able to share it with you. I hope you enjoyed brunch. I know it was a little stressful for you to meet the in-laws for the first time, but I think everyone had a nice day.
Of course, thanks to the mild anxiety and unbridled perfectionism that I'm fairly certain that I inherited from you; I was awake at 6 am thinking about all the things that still needed to be done before you arrived at 11. And of course, I got out of bed and started doing those things (as quietly as possible so as not to wake Mr. Lulu and give him yet another reason to find me slightly insane and therefore not marriage material). The lack of sleep was all worth it though, because by the timehe got out of bed I woke him up a couple of hours later I had a table that would have made Martha proud, quiche and pecan caramel sticky buns in progress, and just a little bit of crazy left to spare.
Thankfully, Mr. Lulu is as patient as they come, and he always knows what I need to hear. Sometimes it's a gentle reminder to "slow down, breathe" and sometimes it's just a well-timed "love you". With his support and the hostessing finesse that you taught me, I think we were able to pull off a pretty good day.
Everyone seemed to enjoy the bacon and asparagus quiche, and the POG mimosas were delicious! Michelle was right- once you go POG, you'll never go back! And thanks to this book, which I love, and some freakishly lucky timing, we had fresh hot pecan caramel sticky buns just in time for brunch-dessert, and they were wonderful!
I also want to take this opportunity to let you know that I'm so grateful for the relationship that we share. I think it's taken a long time for us to achieve the level of closeness that we finally have, and I know we still have a long way to go, but it's really wonderful to have you in my life.
I know that I was a spoiled brat of a child, and I've spent many years alternating between taking you for granted and lacking the patience to spend any time getting to know you. I think now I'm finally old enough to understand you and appreciate you for who you are. It's also obvious that I'm becoming more and more like you every day, and I have to say- I don't mind that one bit. I'm incredibly lucky and I hope you know how much I love you.
Thanks for everything Mom, you're an amazing woman. Happy Mother's Day!
love,
lulu
Of course, thanks to the mild anxiety and unbridled perfectionism that I'm fairly certain that I inherited from you; I was awake at 6 am thinking about all the things that still needed to be done before you arrived at 11. And of course, I got out of bed and started doing those things (as quietly as possible so as not to wake Mr. Lulu and give him yet another reason to find me slightly insane and therefore not marriage material). The lack of sleep was all worth it though, because by the time
Thankfully, Mr. Lulu is as patient as they come, and he always knows what I need to hear. Sometimes it's a gentle reminder to "slow down, breathe" and sometimes it's just a well-timed "love you". With his support and the hostessing finesse that you taught me, I think we were able to pull off a pretty good day.
Everyone seemed to enjoy the bacon and asparagus quiche, and the POG mimosas were delicious! Michelle was right- once you go POG, you'll never go back! And thanks to this book, which I love, and some freakishly lucky timing, we had fresh hot pecan caramel sticky buns just in time for brunch-dessert, and they were wonderful!
I also want to take this opportunity to let you know that I'm so grateful for the relationship that we share. I think it's taken a long time for us to achieve the level of closeness that we finally have, and I know we still have a long way to go, but it's really wonderful to have you in my life.
I know that I was a spoiled brat of a child, and I've spent many years alternating between taking you for granted and lacking the patience to spend any time getting to know you. I think now I'm finally old enough to understand you and appreciate you for who you are. It's also obvious that I'm becoming more and more like you every day, and I have to say- I don't mind that one bit. I'm incredibly lucky and I hope you know how much I love you.
Thanks for everything Mom, you're an amazing woman. Happy Mother's Day!
love,
lulu
Friday, April 4, 2008
dear green lake jewelry works:
Hello you wonderfully talented artisans! Oh my lord, you guys are amazing. I know you technically didn't make my ring since it's a family heirloom that has been in Mr. Lulu's family for generations, but you made it mine. And I love that we were able to take some diamonds from my mom's ring (which were in her mom's ring) and add them in. It makes it such a lovely representation of the blending of families and histories that are part of what make a marriage so special.
I don't even care that the first time you called me to tell me that my ring was ready, we drove out there and found that it really wasn't. An extra day didn't kill me, and it was totally worth the wait. My ring is beautiful and it carries so much history along with it- I know that I'm really fortunate.
I have always liked the idea of an antique ring, I love thinking that the ring on my finger made another woman feel cherished and special too. I always assumed that these women would be strangers and I would never know their stories, but luckily that's not the case! Mr. Lulu's paternal great-grandmother was the first to wear my ring, then his grandmother, then his mother, now me. I'm a part of a strong family history now, which means a lot to me since my own sometimes seems a bit muddled and lost.
Here it is again- isn't it gorgeous?!?
love,
lulu
I don't even care that the first time you called me to tell me that my ring was ready, we drove out there and found that it really wasn't. An extra day didn't kill me, and it was totally worth the wait. My ring is beautiful and it carries so much history along with it- I know that I'm really fortunate.
I have always liked the idea of an antique ring, I love thinking that the ring on my finger made another woman feel cherished and special too. I always assumed that these women would be strangers and I would never know their stories, but luckily that's not the case! Mr. Lulu's paternal great-grandmother was the first to wear my ring, then his grandmother, then his mother, now me. I'm a part of a strong family history now, which means a lot to me since my own sometimes seems a bit muddled and lost.
Here it is again- isn't it gorgeous?!?
love,
lulu
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