Thursday, October 30, 2008

dear hubby:

Wow, I love you so much. I can honestly say that I've never had as much fun with anyone as I have with you. You're amazing. And thanks for letting me help with your fantastic Halloween costume, you look so handsome!

And I really love that you let me make devil horns out of your hair and then take your picture:

And I even love that you take pictures (five of them) of our dishes in the dish drainer, because you "thought it was interesting one night"...

Baby, you're the best husband I've ever had. Thank you for being fantastic.


Sunday, October 26, 2008

dear daddy:

I hate that I miss you so much, and that I think about you all the time. I hate that I haven't been able to get rid of your memory like I want to and that a part of me still wants to see you and get a bear hug from you and sit on your lap and be your little girl again. And I hate you, for what you did to my family, and for being such a selfish and manipulative asshole. I hate you for never saying you were sorry. I hate you for so many reasons, and yet I miss my daddy all the time. I resent the fact that I was allowed to know you, and wish that you would have been removed from my life before I was able to grow up and make memories of you. I wish that that the memories I did have were horrible memories so that it would be easier to hate you now. I wish you would have tried harder to explain yourself and change my mind, instead of letting me run away. I wish you wouldn't have been so forceful and confrontational when you did try to see me, because you just scared me away. Sometimes I wish that you would have died, so I could just mourn the loss and move on, because for some reason it's so much harder this way. I wish I didn't care that you weren't there to dance with me at my wedding, and that you'll never see my children. I wish you hadn't screwed mom up so badly. I'm tired of crying over you.