Thursday, May 1, 2008

dear ross:

Hello Ross Dress for Less! I'm writing in an effort to come to terms with my love/hate relationship with you and your kind. In principle, I despise stores like yours, but I am drawn to the concept of saving bundles of money on the brands I love. For this reason, I continue to pass through your doors once or twice a year only to grow frustrated once again because I am far too impatient to shop the way you must in order to leave satisfied.

Today I found myself sucked into the bowels of your mammoth interior, hoping to fill my void with still more shoes that I don't need. And for once- success! A lovely pair of black patent leather sling back peep toe pumps will be gracing the shelves of my closet tonight. Smuggled home, of course, in my voluminous tote designed to hide such purchases from Mr. Lulu until they're sufficiently aged enough to say "oh these things? I've had them for months."

So thanks Ross, I guess you're not so bad after all.


**update: don't attempt to sneak things into your home unless you're well versed in the practice! the night i bought these shoes i decided to wear them home from work and smuggle my old shoes in the tote. unfortunately, we went straight to a friend's dinner party where i proceeded to ingest my body weight in red wine. by the time we were ready to go, i had my shiny new shoes in my hand and was insisting to mr. lulu that i needed to find my shoes before we left. of course i'm convinced that i wasn't really out of my mind intoxicated- i was simply looking for my OTHER shoes- the ones i left that morning wearing.**

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